Who's most likely to say "I love you" first -- men or women?

The answer may surprise you, but it's also important whether it's said before or after sex

April 4, 2018
Loving couple face to face

© Predrag Novakovic | Dreamstime.com


People think women usually say it first, but the evidence says it's usually the man who first utters those three magic words.

And not only to they usually say it first, but lots of scientific research says that men know their feelings of love before women do -- women take longer to make up their mind and be sure a guy is "the one."

The strange thing is that most research also indicates that women are more emotionally invested in a relationship, which makes you wonder if women and men actually mean the same thing when they say "I love you."  There's a theory that if a man says "I love you" before the couple has had sex, he's really just trying to pave the way for a hookup. But if he says it after sex, the woman tends to think he's for real, and that honesty makes a woman happier. And men tend to think that if a woman says it before they've had sex, it means sex is more likely to happen. So that kind of points to the evidence that to a man, "I love you" really means "I want to sleep with you and see what happens."

I guess what all this research is teaching us is that words can mean different things to different people, so your best bet when your sweetie says, "I love you" is to ask, "so what exactly do you mean by that?"  Hmm. Honest communication is good, but that seems like a bit of a mood killer, doesn't it?

You can read more about all this in Psychology Today.